Well the holidays are over and I must say I am glad. This year was way harder for us than last, and least me and Roger and Ashley anyway. I loved seeing Laura Beth with her eyes wide, opening presents, and I enjoyed spending time with her and Christa, but the Holidays are just not the same with Katie being gone, and her birthday being two days after Christmas makes it even harder. I do not think Christmas will ever be the same again. But I pray that having Laura Beth to see Christmas through her eyes will help more as time goes by. My 55th birthday was yesterday and I was so pleased that Laura Beth and Christa came down on my birthday and spent the night and went to church with us this morning. They left awhile after lunch to go home. I am feeling lonesome. We had a good day yesterday. We first went out to eat at Olive Garden and then went looking and shopping at the 99cent store and the half price book store and then the mall. It was a good day. Then we came home and my sweet hubby had gotten me a cake. What a good time. You know when I think about it, I don't remember many of my birthdays. I remember my thirteenth birthday. It was my first real party. Before that I only had "family parties", but that year I got to invite friends. Then the next one I remember was my 22nd one which is the first birthday after Christa was born. Dad got me a cake and we celebrated and I felt so blessed. Of course Bobby had left me by then,. but I had Christa, and I was so grateful. Then the next one I remember was my thirty seventh and that was the year after Ashley was born. Roget and Ashley and Christa celebrated with a cake and Roger got me flowers, and once again I felt so blessed. Not only had God blessed me with one beautiful, smart daughter in the face of huge odds, with her being a premie and everything....but he blessed me again with my baby Ashley which also was a scary situation with me having to have a Cesarean with her. I did not think it was possible to be blessed even more, but it was I would later see. Then the next birthday I remember was my fortieth. I took that one pretty hard. I always just thought I would die really young and I would still be pretty....but guess what? I fooled myself! Lol. That birthday Roger and Christa gave me a party with cake and ice cream at our church! It was awesome! Then there was my forty nineth. That one topped all the other birthdays! Katie had just been born, and We celebrated my birthday at Christa's house. I think we celebrated it early that year cuz we were down there to see our first grandchild, and boy she was so beautiful, and so special and I never knew it was possible to love anyone so much. I felt profound maternal love for both my girls, dont misunderstand me, more that words can ever say.... but the love a grandparent feels for a grandchild is just so powerful and special and different. Anyone who has not experienced becoming a grandparent just can not know what I mean. You have to experience it. My first grand baby, Katie, was a treasure. She was so smart and wise and special. She was not one to want to love on and kiss me, her mom and Ashley she saved that for, but we had this special relationship too. She could talk to me for hours. When I lost her, it ripped a whole in my heart that will never be filled again. When Katie died, my life just stopped making sense, not just my life, either, but life in general. I am beginning to come to terms with it, but I will never stop missing my Katie bug. Then in July 2008 my second little miracle grand daughter came on the scene. She and I connected from the moment we met. We still do, and the older she gets, the more she reminds me of my angel Katie, in many ways, but she is also very different. She needs me to love on and to play with and to spoil her, which Katie didn't need me for any of those things, well.... may be for the spoiling. lol. She doesn't want me to talk alot to, she wants to be close to me and she lets me kiss and hug her, well.....most of the time...LOL. I miss her so bad when weeks go by and I do not get to go down there or her come here. I am so grateful for the times my daughter and her husband have allowed her to come visit her Nana and Pop and Ashley. Every time is a blessing.
Well I have rambled on and on, but sometimes I just need to do that. It helps. I pray anyone who reads this had a glorious holiday season. May we all remember the reason for the season. God bless.
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